Resolutions

Las Vegas, NV New Years Eve.  Josh & I were on Sunrise Mountain watching all the fireworks

Every year I set resolutions/goals for myself. Last year I was disappointed with myself because I only accomplished 1 of my resolutions. So this year I plan to keep working on them, plus I added a few others. Some are very personal for me & some are just for fun. I decided that a couple should be for others as well... 

• Read 12 books
• Make 15 knitted caps & donate 
• Read & finish the Old Testament 
• Blog 2 times a week 
• Graduate college! 
• Run a half marathon
• Run 2-5k's 
• Run 1-10k 
• Exercise 3 times a week 
• Pay off 3 debts 
• Reach my goal weight finally!!! 
• Finish 2 tubes of lip balm-Stop picking at my lips :/ 
• Attend the temple at least once a month 

It's important to me that I set these resolutions every year.  It gives me something to work on to make myself a better person.  Throughout the year I check on myself and my progress.  Like I said-Last year I didn't do very well, but I am continuing on with them and not giving up!
 

Goodbye 2011

I am happy to say goodbye to 2011! It seemed like an extremely stressful year for me. There was a few months I didn't think I was going to continue living. I personally was in a deep dark place physically and mentally. In fact I really scared Josh a couple of times...needless to say he saw the struggle I was going through and stayed strong for me. For that I am very grateful (which I don't think he realizes). Toward the middle of the year, life changed dramatically for us once we started on our journey back home (Las Vegas). The change started when we were asked to show up in Portland, OR to meet with Paul Johnson who is a general authority for the church. Josh and I met with him individually, then all together as a family. He found Josh worthy to receive his priesthood once again. So he gave Josh a blessing and all his former blessings were restored once again. It was such a humbling experience. One that I have waited for many years. Now when I think about it, I find it funny to think about him changing into his garments in the back of the moving van. But it was totally worth it! Since then I have asked for many blessings and have felt so much better than what I felt at the beginning of the year. Once we got back home, things just seemed to fall onto place. Josh got a job right away, which we were very lucky because the job market has been really crappy in Las Vegas because of the economy the past few years. Jobs are not easy to come by. I eventually got a job too. So we are doing somewhat better than some people we know. We aren't rich, we have been blessed! We have also been able to continue with school in all the craziness as well. We are both determined to finish without delay. Our kids also have had a few ups and downs this year. Breanne struggled with relationships with a few boys. For some reason they would play mind games with her and lead her on. Then dump her without an explanation. She really struggled with understanding why, but it has definitely been a learning experience for her. She is now happy and has moved on from those boys. Being her mom, I knew those boys weren't right for her. Again, she had to learn it for herself. Adam had his own struggles. He finally received his high school diploma after much stress of finishing classes for credit and passing required tests. He didn't graduate on time, but he did graduate which is all that matters. I watch him on a regular basis to figure himself out. It's hard as a mother standing back and watching your child male choices that they know aren't right for them. Adam wanted to go to a mechanic school on Larame, WY, but came home one day and said he wasn't going.....okay, I was really confused?! So now he says he wants to go to CSN....but I don't think he understands what is required of going to a school like that. I suggested to him he start with one or two classes to get use to the pace of it. So far I haven't heard a final decision.... Heck we just want him to get his drivers license and a job at this point! Nicole is doing so much better too. She seemed dark and isolated for a ling time. She didn't even want a hug or any affection from Josh or I. She would yell at us not to touch her. Now she hugs us both on a regular basis. When she first did it, we were a little shocked at the change. A hug from her is one of the best feelings!!! She still has a hard time trying to fit in with some people, but hey so do I. Being in a click of friends isn't ideal anyway! Needless to say, with all the craziness we faced this year I am thankful for some of the experiences I faced. I am thankful to be back home with my mom :) honestly if it weren't for her is probably be dead! I am looking forward to starting a new year and starting new goals. Most of the goals I set for myself last year were not met, but that's okay. I can keep working on them and add new ones as well. There was a lot going on throughout the year I never expected to go through, but they were learning experiences as well. I know there are some things I will never want to do again! There are also some people, place and things I'd chose never to be around again as well. Needless to say, there was much to learn in 2011!!! Here's to a new year and lots of new lessons and experiences to go through!

Christmas

It's funny how roles change as years go along.  This year my kids were the ones who stayed up late while the rest of us went to bed much earlier.  I was so excited for Christmas this year I woke up early.  So since that was the case, I decided to be the one to wake them up like they use to wake us up when they were little super early in the morning.  Soooo......I went in to see if my mom was awake, which she was.  When I saw that was I knew it was okay to wake everyone else up...

We all know what they say about paybacks....hehehe....

I went into the girls room, turned on the light and jumped on Breanne's bed saying "It's Christmas, It's Christmas" while doing the George Jefferson bounce...After I finished on her bed and had her yelling "STOP"  at me I jumped onto Nicole's bed and did the same thing...(I love it)

Of course I couldn't leave Adam out...I went down to his room where he was, but Josh was already starting to wake him up.  I jumped onto his bed and did the same bounce and yell.  then I fell on top of him and kept shaking him saying "It's Christmas".

(My reasoning....they use to do the same thing to me when they were little, except I let them sleep until 7:00 instead of 4:00 in the morning)

 Everyone finally came into the living room where I was sitting patiently for them once they finally were awake enough.  Mom passed out the gifts from under the tree this year.  There wasn't a lot, but it was plenty.  I think everyone was VERY happy with their gifts (including the dogs).  When we were done, we cleaned up and played with some of the items.  Josh and Adam each got a remote control helicopter, but Josh's wouldn't work, so we will be exchanging it tomorrow along with a few other items.  Adam absolutely loves his helicopter, he has played with it on and off all day long.  Who'd a thought he'd like it so much....


We went to church too.  It was nice.  The program was musical with lots of Christmas music and the choir singing.  It was different than other sacrament Christmas programs we have been to in the past.  It was nice for a change.  


After church we came home and relaxed.  Adam played with his helicopter while my mom and I sat and cracked different kinds of nuts.  We haven't done that in years!!!  Then Nicole came over and started cracking some with us too...That was a new experience for her.  


Ohhhh...then we busted out the new Wii video games.  Michael Jackson dance and Just Dance 3.  Oh my gosh....I LOVE both games!!!  We played for a couple hours.  Josh would play and I would play along with him.  He's hilarious to watch!  Then one of us would get tired and sweaty, so we would stop and Breanne and Nicole would play.  We alternated who would play and against each other.  One time I just got up and started doing a dance move totally random while the girls were doing a dance.  Now that it is hours later....my body can feel the muscles it hasn't really used in the past month!  The fun of playing the games with my family is soooo worth the ache I am feeling.  So I guess I better start my workouts again...


Tonight we are just watching movies on tv and relaxing which we don't get to do very often.  Breanne is over at her new boyfriends spending some time with him...Tomorrow will be another day to finish up some things that didn't get done today.  We are meeting my dad early in the morning before he leaves town to go back home.  It will be nice to see him too...

You know that saying "Save the drama for your mama"?  Yeah I don't want it from my kids and I'm definitely sure my mama doesn't want it from me either!!!


So kids if your saving it for me...deal with it yourself!  


And on a side note...if someone else is trying to give you their drama, they need to be sent packing!!!


There are some people in my families life who like/love to cause drama for no reason...HELLO we left it behind! Please keep it there!!! It isn't welcome anymore with us!  THANKS :)

Donate

Every year our family decides to give to a charity or others who are less fortunate.  We have been doing this every year for the past 6 years.  Some years we have been able to give more, while some years we were only able to give a small amount.  On the years where we could only give a small amount, I had to keep reminding myself that it was something which was better than nothing.


This year we decided to give a little more than we had the past couple years.  Our finances are a little better than they have been the past couple years.  So the day after Thanksgiving; Josh, Breanne and I went shopping to see what deals would could get for Black Friday.  We found what we needed really quickly. 


Choosing who to donate to this year was easy.  I wanted to give back to the charity who had helped my kids in the past when having any kind of Christmas seemed impossible.  I was amazed when my kids told me they had to explain to their friend why we had so much stuff to donate.  They told their friend that its because someone was kind enough to give to them when they were little because we had absolutely nothing.  They remember the 1 foot (YES!!! One foot Christmas tree we had that year) very well and how total strangers came knocking on our door with presents for them.  That Christmas they got more than what any of us were expecting!!!


  I thought against donating to the charity because they get so much from all over the city.  But I knew it was the right thing to do.  I had to give back to who gave to us.  That was important to me this year.  When we left the donation place at 11:30 pm a few weeks ago, I felt very lifted and ready for the holidays. 


So far, nothing else has been done, but hopefully tonight we can bust out the tree and maybe some outside lights....or the backyard will be the only thing lit since the lights are still out there from the wedding we had in October!

Memories....

This weekend turned into more than a quick trip to Northern Utah for a family get together, it became a trip to memory lane for Josh. We wanted to stop and see Josh's sister Tanja, but she wasn't home. Instead we drove around to see the house he lived in while he lived in Utah, the school he went to, and different places he worked at while growing up. It was interesting to listen to what he was saying and telling us about his teenage years. I have heard all the stories over and over again, but listening to them this time was different. While we drove to the different places, Josh talked about how he felt during that time of his life. He finally said, " I tried to block all this out of my mind because it was nothing but bad memories! I never wanted to remember how bad life was for me then." The kids and I sat and listened, then all of a sudden he said, "You know where the house was? Watch, when I turn here you'll see how far I had to ride my bike just to go to work." We had been on the car about 30 minutes when he saw a bridge he had to go under everyday on him bicycle that all of a sudden hit him like a ton of bricks. He wasn't intending to see this place either, just just suddenly happened that we were there on that road at that moment. Josh was not the usual upbeat person he normally is when we were doing this, I can still here him asking himself "Why?" All I could say was, "Those experiences made you who you are today, you aren't a bad person and you can't help the choices your parents made when you were a kid. All you can do is be who you are and be true to yourself and our family." Josh and I haven't had it easy, but we have made it this far together despite all the craziness. We have made mistakes along the way, but one thing is for sure our kids haven't lived anything like what Josh experienced as a child. He always made a conscious effort to make sure our kids never had to go without or that their needs were not met. We may not have had tons of money, but they have had a good life! Our children have had good memories of family vacations, lake trips, cabin trips, road trips, shopping, soccer games, dogs, cats, houses, Disneyland, zoos, beaches and sailing adventures. So many good memories that far outweigh the bad. Memories is what make up a life and a person. I am thankful to have so many memories in my life. I have good and bad ones, but like I said experiences make us who we are as a person. It's our choice to learn from the bad experiences, like Josh did and make an effort to change so better memories will replace the bad ones.

Accepting Change

I could write a book about my life thus far. It would befull of action, adventure, love AND most definitely drama. Isn't that what makes the best of stories? It could even be made into a movie that everyone would love and talk about seeing! Men would love it for the action as well as the adventure. And well woman would just love it! I have accepted everything I have been through in life, heck its made me who I am today. Honestly I think I'm a pretty good person who has a lot of wisdom when it comes to life and life experiences. With those experiences though, I wasn't prepared for the changes that come with my children becoming adults. The past few months I have been really struggling with the idea of having adults who are in my eyes and heart still my babies. I suppose no matter what they will always be my little child who I will want to take care of, no matter what. I want so desperately to give my children the world, but I can't and haven't been able to. I don't think that is wrong either, but at times it seems like my children don't realise some of the sacrifices that have been made just for them. I'm hoping on day they will truly appreciate what I have done for them. As for accepting them for being adults, know I have to, but it is so hard. Right now on a regular basis I want more than anything to be able to spend as much time together as a family. Adam will be leaving in April to go to school in Larame, WY. He will be far away from home without me there to take care of him or to make sure he his eating, has clean clothes, his room is clean and everything else a mom does on a regular basis. I suppose it isn't just that. I want to believe that him going off to school will give him a better appreciation of home. But who knows, all we can do is wait see. I'm not sure if my girls think like Adam does. Breanne has goals, drive and a vision for the future. She doesn't mind being around family and doing activities with us. Maybe its because she was actually away from us when we were living in Washington and knows what its like to be away from us. In my mind I'm hoping that the case. Although we left home, she never did she was the smart one! ;) Nicole tends to go back and forth. I know it's because of her age. That's what most teenagers do. They want you then they need their space... So needless to say accepting these changes has been hard for me to accept, but I am willing to keep working on the changes of my adult children. I'm just patiently waiting for,"Mom, Dad you were right! I should have listened to you!" One day it will come,.it always does, especially when they see how good their lives were despite the difficulties and craziness we have lived together!!! I have to add though...as I write this on my phone, sitting in the car late at night on a road trip to Northern Utah to spend the weekend with my extended family, I am totally thankful that my family is all together couped up in the car for a short weekend trip TOGETHER!!!