My Journey

So I did it... 

I have always been a person to set goals and accept a challenge.  I set a goal to lose 25 pounds...as of two weeks ago I met my goal. 

Since meeting my goal, I decided to set another goal weight.  I am excited to work towards it. I know it's going to be a challenge because its seriously something I have never done before.  But, I'm determined to see the new changes that will be coming. 

I have learned I am capable of more than what I thought. When I began this journey I accepted the responsibility of myself. I also set a goal to learn to do push ups to possibly build my upper body strength.  I know sounds dumb, but there's a reason why I've had to learn how to do a push up....I have a disease in my arm call arthrogyposis. Basically, I have crooked arms and don't have the ability to push myself up when doing a push up. Any kind of arm exercises hurt...I would try different exercises,  but I would end up in tears. So I've felt determined to just try....even if I could only ever do just one push up a day. I started just doing what I knew how to do. When I say it was hard to do one... I mean it was hard!!!! Every day I just tried....tried an tried! Finally, I was able to slowly add onto that one. Now, four months later, I can do twelve! I know it's not a big deal for most,  but for me it's a huge accomplishment.  It's hard and it hurts! But my goal for push ups is to reach 15 by the end of March....I will reach it, I don't back down from reaching goals...big or small. 

Again...This is Me

Since laying low for awhile I journeyed into unknown areas. Last year, I needed income in the worst way possible.  I ran out of money and no way to pay my debts. I was healing from surgery for several months and felt all was lost.  I was applying to job after job, but it was getting me nowhere. That felt like a blow to my self-esteem as well. Here I am with a college degree, applying to qualified jobs, but getting the 'thanks, but no thanks' emails over and over again. I even went to school to get my real estate license,  but as we all know, you can't force someone to buy or sell their house. I was told of a company that hires people with degrees to teach ESL online to Chinese children....so I figured, what the heck at this point I'll do anything. I applied and went through a crazy interview process,  but again I was given the 'thanks, but no thanks' email, and you can apply again in 90 days. Ironically,  I came across another company that did something similar,  so I figured what the heck I'll look into it. Amazingly,  I began the process of applying and stepping outside of my comfort zone to make an introductory video of myself and online mock class over and over again....I believe I did 7 different mock classes, lots of practice, stressed beyond belief because I was in such a dark place because of so many life changes.  When I received an email from the company after what I felt was yet another failed mock class, opening that email I was feeling defeated,  but seeing CONGRATULATIONS  you are now an ESL teacher! I think I cried so many tears of relief and joy. That was on May 2 of last year. I was so happy to finally feel like I would be making a difference for myself.....finally! But, it was a slow start.  I had classes here and there for about a month.  The first class I taught was at 230 in the morning.  I was so nervous, scared, excited I couldn't sleep.  So I stayed up working on things for my real estate.  When the class was getting ready to start,  I sat at my computer and literally prayed! I prayed that I would be able to do this, be able to just make enough to pay for my jeep every month. Pray for just 25 classes for the week to make enough to pay my payments or lose my car. It took me about a month and a half to get enough classes and feel comfortable enough to not feel intimidated or what I felt a total nightmare.  I set goals to make a certain amount each pay period. I worked the hardest hours at any possible time I could. I would sleep an hour here and there, wake up all hours of the night just to meet my goal.  On my 3rd or 4th pay, I did it! Since May 2, I have not taken a day off. I work 3 hours every morning starting at 2:00 and finishing at 5:00, the depending on what's happening in China, I will teach 3-4 more hours in the early evening. I admit,  it exhausts me. 25 minute classes goes by very fast, but the energy I use for different kids wears you out. I sometimes think my family thinks I've lost my mind when they hear me because I can get so loud having a good time with these kids...while they learn. Today, I had a boy laughing uncontrollably because I corrected him when he said 'bananers' for banana. I then began singing, 'This 'stuff'* is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!' Every time he read banana,  the kid laughed so hard he had tears! And he still said bananers.....

Anyway, I have found that, despite being tired and having horrible working times, I enjoy what I am doing at this time on my life. It has helped make a difference for me when I was in a dark place....

I took this picture today after I hung up paper lanterns I made for the Chinese Latern Festival celebration that should be happen this week.  But, because of coronavirus,  people are quarantined in their homes and unable to have their normal traditional celebrations. I thought it would be fun to have some lanterns of my own for our class time. Maybe the kids will see and mention them, maybe not. Heck, I dragged my Christmas tree from my room on Christmas morning, so why not a couple little lanterns for a few days. 

I've been blessed and everyday I do give thanks. I'm not always able to do a lot at times, but I am doing what I have to do to take care of myself and my needs at this time.