We have now been in Oregon for 3 days on our way back to Las Vegas.  We were in Portland for 2 and a half of those days.  It was kinda nice.  The city is jam packed with tons of old buildings and lots of bridges.  Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures, but we were kinda overwhelmed from the prior days experiences.  Yesterday, we just spent the day doing what we wanted.  We drove around a little, found a REAL ghetto Walmart (I thought the one on Nellis & Charleston was ghetto), this place reeked of ghetto before I even walked into the place!  It gave us a good laugh because we haven't been around an ghetto fabulous for a few months :)  What we have been around is a bunch of old people....everywhere we turned there was old people.  I'm not old, but Oak Harbor made me feel old.  Josh said the same thing before I even told him what I was feeling.  Whenever we would go somewhere, my family was always the youngest people around.  It was awful. 

The sun so far has been heavenly.  Nicole said today after putting on shorts..."Look, I glow!" while pointing a her legs.  I laughed because mine are exactly the same.  Josh had on his sunglasses when he got out of the moving van and said..."I haven't been able to wear these in months!"  And another thing, we're all wearing shorts...it's summer time and we're actually finally able to wear shorts and a t-shirt, instead of long pants, hoodies and jackets.  I'm starting to feel like me again. 

Today was a good day, a bit emotional, but all in all good.  Josh met with Elder Paul Johnson.  We kinda messed up his schedule, but it wasn't our fault.  Someone told us the wrong day to meet with him, but he made some changes to see us because we had come so far, to that point.  Josh met with him for what seemed like forever, I met with him for about 10 minutes.  I'm not going to write about what we discussed, because it's rather personal and that's how I'd like to keep it.  Anyway, my family in now back to the way it should have been all along...

We are now in another motel room resting for the rest of the day.  I am so tired.  I have homework I am suppose to do, but don't really have a desire to do it right now.  I've had so much on my mind the past few days, I'm having a hard time even concentrating.  Plus I need to have some time to think about what I want to write.  So with that being said...I better finish this so I can think about what I'm going to write my paper about....

Leaving Oak Harbor...

I'm not sure how to describe today....

Actually what should have been a happy day for celebrating, turned into utter chaos in a moments notice for our family.  To make a long story short...Josh, Adam, Nicole and I are now Las Vegas bound.  

Hell and chaos ensued once Josh's parents came home.  All four of us (meaning Josh, the kids & I) felt that something like this was going to happen (It isn't exactly the first time we have gone through something like this with them).  We have learned to sense things with them.  We really felt it when Josh's mom kept telling him that  "He is working with Satan".  REALLY?!  If anything, we have been working hard to really feel the spirit and do what is right.  Josh & I have had a few struggles while we have been there, but it is because we/I have been very stress because of everything that had been going on practically on a regular basis.  We also found out that they pretty much lied to members in the ward about us when we were talking to some of the people that were there.  When we heard what they said, that also began to give us a heads up as to what would be coming....

On a positive note...Josh will be meeting with a General Authority in Portland, OR this weekend.  In the midst of all the craziness that was going on, with a moment of silence with just Josh and I, Josh got a call from the stake president.  He gave Josh two options, this weekend or wait until August and meet with one.  Since that news came, we decided that since we were on the road heading to Las Vegas, we just take a detour to Portland and meet with the General Authority.  Josh has waited long enough and just really wants to get moving forward with receiving his priesthood.  So with all the nightmarish hell Josh went through today, that was the most positive "gift" he could have received.  Especially since today was his birthday...HAPPY 40th Josh...I love you!

Father's Day

Well today is Father's Day.  I always end to get bummed out because I haven't ever been able to do anything spectacular for Josh or my dad.  I feel bad that I don't have the funds to buy them anything nice or go and do anything fun and different.  I have learned over the years though that they are both appreciative of a simple Happy Father's Day.

As I said our day was nothing totally spectacular.  We went to church, as usual.  My Sunday School class and the Elders quorum enjoyed my lemon squares I made yesterday.  During church I decided that the kids and I could make Josh dinner when we got home.   Well that idea went down the tubes!  Josh decided that he was going to make spaghetti, I told him I was planning on making him something for Father's Day, but since he's insisting on making his own...GO FOR IT!!!  I was rather ticked off!  So he enjoyed his own dinner that he made for himself and the kids.  I came downstairs and tried to take a nap (that didn't last long). 

So after my so-called nap, I decided that I would try to do something once again in the kitchen.  My mind was kinda wandering today while I was thinking about what to make for dinner.  In my thoughts, I thought about my grandma and all the baking she use to do.  Then I thought about her congo square cookie bars she use to make.  So I looked a recipe up for congo squares....Found it of course on the internet. After reading the recipe and figuring I could scrounge up all the ingredients, I headed back into the kitchen.  I asked Nicole if she wanted to help (she needs to learn this stuff too afterall).  So the two of us made congo squares! 

Congo Squares

So this is the end result of my Father's Day congo squares.  When they are finished baking you are suppose to let the cool completely!  Adam could hardly wait, so he decided to cut into them, hence why part of them are missing from the pan.  Notice the crazy cut?  I had to cut in into smaller pieces.  I had Nicole bring some down to her dad...he liked them too.  If he likes them, I know they turned out good.  Although since they weren't completely cooled off they were a little soft and gooey, but they didn't mind.  So I am happy that they, especially Josh were able to enjoy them.

While they were baking, I decided to call my dad.  I always enjoy talking to him.  He helps me to keep things in perspective.  I was able to tell him how I felt about living here and what has been going on.  He gave me words of encouragement, which I totally appreciate.  Last year he had some health scares, which did scare me a lot.  So far, so good this year, except for a cold he has had for a couple days.  He will be going to the doctor tomorrow for a follow-up visit and will be able to get some meds to help him get better.

Also while thinking about fathers, I can't forget about Eldon.  He is my dad also.  I do miss him very much.  He is in heaven watching over his family.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.  I learned so much from him.  I am thankful that he took on the responsiblity of taking care of me like one of his own children.

So in thinking about Fathers...there are all types of fathers.  To this point in my life, I am thankful for all the fathers who have had some influence in my life.



Mom Would Be Proud

Today I did something totally new and random...

See I have a tendancy to have a dislike for the kitchen when it is somebody else's.  I have chosen not to go into the kitchen to make food or meals while living with the in-laws.  I have a hard time working in someone else's kitchen.  I don't want to be a bother to them or feel that I am in their way.  Plus I don't like the idea of feeling intimidated because I don't make or do something the way others may do it.  There has been a few times when I have tried to participate, but only to be told that it was wrong.

So no more of me in the kitchen....unless to wash dishes (and I HATE washing dishes), if someone else is home.  However, the past few weeks, I have been able to actually enjoy being in the kitchen making meals and other things for my family.  I tend to believe they have enjoyed my cooking as well. 

 First attempt at Deviled Eggs

Lemon Squares

A few things I have made, and yes most were from scratch, seeing as how there is limited ingredients to choose from.  So I have been rather creative. Biscuits & Gravy...Adam said, "I won't eat it unless the gravy is good"!  I guess it was good because he devoured it.  He asked how I made it...I said "I do know how to do things Adam, I looked a recipe up on the internet" :) , Spaghetti, scrambled eggs, tuna casserole, spaghetti pie, egg salad sandwiches and a few new things I have never made before....macaroni salad,  and today.....deviled eggs and homemade lemon squares!  So this is why I say...Mom would be proud!

It feels good to be able to make some foods that I enjoy. However, I choose to limit my intake seeing as how most of the ingredients in the house are fattening.  I don't want to gain weight.  It has been a struggle just to keep it off while I am here, and I am determined to keep it off too! 

MY LULU

This ever loving little dog is my faithful companion Lulu Belle McCourt, but she just goes by Lulu. She is always by my side, wherever I go. she sleeps on my left side right under my arm, all night long...that is if Josh doesn't take her for himself.

Lulu came into our life a few years ago when I adopted her from the animal shelter to give as a gift. I never intended to have a chihuahua for a dog, I never really cared for them at all! All I knew is they were mean and barky... Well Lulu was given as a gift, but somehow she ran away. Since I was the person who adopted her, the microchip that was placed in her had my name on it. So Lulu came back to us. So technically I rescued her twice. I have to say....I AM SO GLAD SHE IS IN MY LIFE!

On a regular basis she will be at my feet turning her back to me. This is her way of telling me she wants to be picked up. So of course, I pick her up. She does have two feet and used them pretty regularly, however, she is much like her mama....she wants to be treated like a girl!

She doesn't like the rain, because she gets wet of course! So since it seems to rain all the time here, she has learned to rush outside and squat at the very edge of the grassy to pee, then hurry back inside. At times, it takes her awhile to poop, but we have that figured out now...she will pounce and arf at us nonstop until we take her out :) As I mentioned before, yes she does use her feet on a regular basis....she actually loves to roll in the horse pee...EEW!!! So since she does that, she has to take a shower at least every other day, because I refuse to allow her to smell like pee when she is sleeping right next to me.

This little dog is a pampered little princess. She has a collar charm that is a crown that says princess! She has her finger nails painted at all times (NOT BY ME! Josh does it!) If you look really closely in the picture you will see that she has purple nails with an under coat of hot pink! She doesn't like having her nails painted, but like all girls loves it once its all finished!

Today, Lulu had a little accident. She did a face plant off the back of the gator into the rocks on the road. She wanted to get out and run with her brother Sampson, and didn't want to wait for us to stop. So, she jumps and went face first! All I saw was her flop with a roll and a yelp! I jumped out and picked her up. She wasn't a happy girl. I didn't realize when I picked her up that she was bleeding. I carried her over to Josh so he could hold her, but when I held her out, I had blood all over my hand. Her nose and lips were all scuffed and bleeding. We brought her into the house and immediately she ran under the bed. She was so scared. I went and had her come out so I could baby her and love her. She rode in the car with me to take Nicole to the church, she did bleed the entire time we were gone.

Some days are just yucky days as Lulu found out today. She is much happier now that she is tucked into bed waiting for me. She is one lucky lil dog to have a mama who loves her like I do!

Adam

The school year is coming to an end for my kids. Well for one anyway. Adams high school career SHOULD be coming to a close, however for whatever reason unbeknownst to me, he won't be graduating. His dad and I have done just about everything possible to make him understand the importance of having a degree from high school. He doesn't seem to think having a dipolma will make a difference in his life. At the beginning of the school year, I told him I would stay in Las Vegas if he would put in the extra work to graduate. I even paid for him to take additional classes that he needed for graduation, but he didn't take them seriously. He was practically forced to do the work and complete the tests. He only passed the testing because he was able to do retakes of the test. In November, Adam went through a drastic change, in every aspect of his life. In that month, he changed from the person I knew of his entire life... Adam became very selfish and uncaring for anyone and anything that truly cared about him...

After much heartache, tears, prayer and talks with Josh about Adam, we decided it would be in Adam's best interest to get him out of his environment and away from Las Vegas. Josh flew down to Las Vegas on super short notice. Adam didn't know Josh had even come, because he was so out of commission mentally. The next morning was a day I would rather not live ever again in my life, but seeing as how some things have not changed, it may happen again...only if it does happen again, it won't end as simple as it did before.

So with the end of the school year and graduation in sight, Adam has been asked many times what his plans are for the future. He never gives us an answer. He has made the conscious effort to not speak to either Josh or I about possibilities of what would be best for him. The only thing in his sights is going back to Las Vegas.

Going back to Las Vegas, at his age...only means trouble. He does not have his high school diploma, the economy is rock bottom there, he doesn't have a drivers license, or even an official state id. I have seen the he plans to go to Las Vegas and party it up with some friends that I don't know, have sex and get a couple tattoos...This is not something I ever planned or wanted for my son.

A little while ago, I asked Adam what he plans to tell his dad about his future. He told me the above, minus the party, sex and tattoos (that part I found out on my own). I got a little upset with him and said, "I don't think that going to Las Vegas would be the best idea Adam!" He said he wants to go because everyone else has been able to leave here and come back. I don't think his intentions are true of what he says to us...Just to go and come back! He said he wants a round trip ticket. I don't think if a round trip ticket were bought, he would be on the second half of that round trip. I have been through enough crap with him to know when I am being lied to.

What he really needs to do is....finish school, spend the summer focusing on all his school work, study to pass the exams he needs so he can finally earn his diploma. Get his drivers license so he can work a job. He has a job offer, but keeps blowing the person off. Adam has been told many times, that the job won't always be there...but live and learn I suppose. He also should focus on making things right with himself. I know Adam has done some things that he doesn't like himself over, only he can make these wrongs right. If he were to take the next few months to figure these things out, many possibilities could be opened for him.

But what can I do? I'm to the point that any words are just worthless. It makes me sad, because Adam does have so much potential, but unfortunately he's just doing what he wants with no practical thinking of what really is best. I've told him for many years that he needs to set goals for himself, but he seems to think that he can just do whatever and things will happen for him. He doesn't understand that life just doesn't happen that way.

I'm not 100% sure what his intensions are for going to Las Vegas either. Almost everyone there who he hung around is leaving and going off to live their lives of what they have planned. Adam can't just show up on their doorstep and say here I am! Breanne isn't going to be around, she works and has plans this summer. My mom works and has plans as well. And I REFUSE to allow Adam to go there and bum off of them, especially after how crappy he is to everyone. I've spoke to our other friends as well, they are just as concerned about him as we are.

I don't know what will happen, I suppose all I can do is pray...

What the UGH?

Sooo....like my last post? Ugh, was exactly it...I was trying to do a blog post while sitting in my car waiting to be rescued because I ran out of gas. Actually, I had my card to get gas, but I accidentally grabbed the wrong one :/ So I was going to write while I waited, but I couldn't get the posting to work right on my phone, and well...you saw the result...UGH!

I thought it was pretty funny, especially after the kinda crappy day I was having until that point.

ugh!

Favorites

I decided that I would contemplate a few of my favorite things. Please note that these are only favorites and don't happen to be in any type of order. So here goes..

• Of course my family...Josh, Breanne, Adam & Nicole
• My mom
• and Dad
• My ever loving lil dog Lulu, who is never too far away from me :)
• Sampson & Benji are close seconds, but they really aren't mine
• Pink, Black & Green (in no particular order)
• A nice comfortable bed....
• Speaking of beds...Marriotts are my most favorite hotel JUST because the beds are thee, yes I said thee BEST (for a hotel)!
• Sandals
• Painted toe nails
• Painted finger nails too, but I've been working to hard with my hands lately so the adorable polish doesn't stay on longer than 1 day :(
• Shopping
• I can't forget, shopping with my favorite shopping buddy....Breanne
• Getting my hair done
• Shoes, shoes and more shoes
• Hats for those days when your hair just doesn't want to go just right
• Baths....oh I miss having a bathtub
• My car...YES I love my car
• Going on vacation
• DISNEYLAND...I need a trip there real soon (Mom are you reading this?)
• Hawaii
• Brian Head (At one time in my life I would never admit this though)
• Running...Although I tend to have a love/hate relationship with it
• Close friends...I really miss them, but I know they will always be my friend
• Learning/Education
• Church...this should really be higher on this list, but this just happens to be where it ended up at the time :/
• Del Taco $.99 bean burritos with green sauce....YUM!!
• Panda Bowls at Panda Express
• Green Salads of any type
• Christmas, especially when its given to others
• My Pandora bracelet....Love it
• Laughter especially with my family
• Movies when I can stay awake to watch them
• Reading....yup reading (when I'm not super busy with school, you will always see my nose in a book)
• Driving, I love to drive my car. My kids make fun of me because I'm small compared to my car and can hardly see over the steering wheel
• Sleeping, especially on a comfortable bed (of which I currently don't have)
• Listening to music (pretty much anything, except country)
• Beautiful flowers- I totally appreciate colorful flowers in any variety
• Dancing, although I move to my own beat
• Sing....can't carry a tune for nothing, but I LOVE to sing at the top of my lungs...don't care who hears either :)
• Peace and quiet (I tend to not enjoy yelling and craziness)
• Earrings
• Makeup, especially the older I get...go figure
• Scriptures
• Teenagers...I'm always learning from them
• Knowledge...that's different than Learning/Education right?
• Sunshine
• Warmth
• Rain, only when its absolutely needed, especially in Las Vegas

These are only a few things I could think of at this time. I know there is a ton more that I didn't think of. I find that as I think of different things that are favorites that I enjoy, I will see that there is a lot I can look forward to each day that will help me to stay positive

Geez...what's up with that?

That last posting was totally JACKED UP!!! I am still trying to figure this blog stuff out. Bare with me, but I'm pretty sure I am the only one to see this.

I wanted to post some pictures of my family from Memorial Weekend, but obviously it wasn't working in the last post....

So here goes....

The Past Few Weeks

I haven't done a posting in a couple weeks. I have been trying to keep busy to keep my mind off of the crappy feelings I have been having as of late. A couple weeks ago, Nicole and I went on a hike to a place called Wallace Falls. In a sense...it was beautiful! There was a waterfall that was 265 feet tall. The hike was long, but well worth it. I have thoroughly enjoyed the hikes that we have been on the past couple months. Going on the hikes has helped me to see the world in a different light as well as experience new sites I had never seen before.

Last weekend was a total thrill for our entire family. Josh earned some extra money to fly Breanne here to Washington to spend the Memorial weekend with us. Josh, Nicole and I picked drove to Bellingham to pick her and her little dog Benji up from the airport. It was so much fun having our entire family together after the few months we had been apart. I tried my best to keep us busy. Since Breanne had never been on a hike with us, I decided that we would try a place nearby that none of us had been to before. We went to Ft. Ebey....I think its called :) We walked one the beach with all three dogs for awhile, then decided to look for a hike nearby. We found one that took us to some lake (I wouldn't call it a lake, more like a pond, but around here any form of water seems to be called a lake). It was pretty, the "lake" had lily pads in it. I had to ask Adam if that is what they were, since I had never seen them before in my life... We then decided that we were hungry, but got side tracked. We went and played in some kind of gunnery that was used during World War II. We then went and watched a tugboat haul some kind of barge through the ocean. It was fun to see.

One thing I have learned so far living here is to look around and be observant because I have seen many new things I have never seen before. Having Breanne here for the few days she was here helped me to feel more at ease. We didn't really get the change to do a lot because finances always seem to be an issue, but it was the quality time of being together as a family that meant the most to all of us. It was fun to watch Josh ask her to help him make cookies. Watching them do that together made me feel so happy to know that they have a relationship together as a father and daughter. Breanne also spent time with just her brother and sister. Watching them interact together also made me know that my family really does care for one another, even though we all tend to have issues with one another as well as our individual struggles. I know that no matter what may happen, we all care about one another.

Having Benji come along was also another fun experience for us. Josh and Adam had never experienced the joys of "Osama ben Benji the littlest Terrorist". However, Benji was a very good boy! I have to say...for such a small doggy, he makes a HUGE impression. Josh and Adam absolutely loved him. Josh usually wakes up early to take the dogs out, but he went out of his way to go get Benji and take him out as well. Normally he would not do that! But taking the dogs out was not the only thing....when they came back in from going outside, Josh cuddled with all 3 of the dogs (including Benji)! It was fun to see how well he fit in with all our craziness.

Sending Breanne home was hard. I miss her so much everyday. I am thankful for the ability that texting gives us, because we are able to "talk" everyday. So with all that being said...I am thankful for the opportunity to spend time with my family. My family is what keeps me grounded, even though at times they do tend to drive me crazy.