ANOTHER DAY :/

Its been a long day and it still isn't over.  Here it is almost 11:00 pm and we are still working on homework...Surprise, surprise it isn't mine.  I have been sitting with Nicole working on an essay.  If it were mine I have it done and over with.  Writing comes rather easy for me, but I guess for others it isn't as easy.  Many times I feel like just taking her assignment and doing it myself, but how would she learn from that?

Some days I absolutely hate the idea a being a parent.  Tonight we...meaning Josh and I got into it again with Adam.  He seems to think the world is his and we just exist in it and have to drop to answer his beckoning demands....Ahhhh HELLO!!!  I think not!  He doesn't seem to get the concept that he still lives under someones roof and has rules to live by.  So he didn't like what I had to say, so he walk out the door saying "WHATEVER!"  The good thing about modern day technology...I can still tell him what I think through text messages....So he can think he was done....but NO he was still getting a text full from me.  And he was even replying to me...(Honestly, that is the only reason I keep his cell phone turned on.  If it wasn't for that I'd shut the stupid thing off!)  ONE UP FOR MOMS AND CELL PHONES!!!  :)

Some days I feel like I am walking on tip toes trying not to offend my kids.  But I shouldn't have to do that.  Its especially hard when you don't want to be the bad guy.  I have learned that I will be the bad guy, but they still love me.  I can't wait for that day when they do look back and say "Mom, Dad, you were right!"  I have gotten that a couple time from Breanne, but with Adam....that day may never come!  I can only sit back and watch and give him my thoughts.  At this point, its been a no go, but maybe one day he will get it.

I can only hope....right?

Hot Mess

That's me today...ONE HOT MESS!!!  I woke up with a pain in my eye, when I looked in the mirror my eyes looked like they had been in some kind of fight with themselves.  Of course its a full blown sty that has given me a huge black eye along with major bags!  I hate sty's, they are so annoying. Of all times to get one this is NOT the week. 

Then Miss Graceful dropped breakfast burrito all over myself...so now I have salsa all over me too.  I haven't had a chance to take a shower yet, so I feel like I smell like a burrito!

I don't have time to be a hot mess today...I have food to cook for a wedding, homework to do, a house to clean, a transmission to find, and places to get to before time runs out.  Oh, on top of all that I have to somehow squeeze in a 3 mile run! 

Time management...isn't that what its called?

PARTY OF ONE...PLEASE

It's best to be alone when someone is in the midst of having a pity party!!!  Today its me who is having the pity party.  I find it funny how when I am having my party I try (key word TRY) to get people to feel sorry for me.  For some reason....it never works. 

So what am I feeling sorry for myself today?  I have to admit I have some MAJOR insecurities.  Don't know why I have them, I just do.  The insecurities come and go, but today they are FULL BLOWN!  I tend to think that the world is against me and I am a major loser when I am feeling this way.  It takes several hours if not all day to get over my issues.  I absolutely hate when I feel like this because in all honestly...I know it isn't true!

On days when I feel like this I see myself less than what I really am.  In the midst of my feelings I feel like a 10 TON TILLY!  YES, I said it, a 10 ton tilly.  So what is this 10 ton tilly?  This 10 ton tilly is someone I see who doesn't take care of themselves physically.  When I see a person (10 ton tilly in my eyes) on tv or on the streets I see myself as them.  Many times when I am with my family I will say, "I feel exactly how that person looks!"  Then they will say, "Nooo....mom, not even!"  But I can't get that image out of my head. 

My family knows I try very hard.  I exercise regularly.  HELLO....I have been training for a marathon.  I watch what I eat and eat right.  Ok, on occasion I have to take a taste of something unhealthy, but that is okay on occasion.  I try to dress nice, but feel like I am very inadequate with how I dress and look (again...I know that isn't true).

What I do know is I try very hard.  I'm not perfect in anyway.  Maybe what I am thinking is totally crazy!  I try, but in my head I want to be so much more.  I suppose with even more hard work...one day I will actually look like I have always wanted to look, but that means enduring, having patience and a better attitude and outlook on who I really am.  So if you happen to see me out on the streets, running, walking or doing any other form of crazy exercise....please, Please,PLEASE encourage me so I can keep these horrible thoughts and this ridiculous pity party at a far distance...

Thoughts of today :)

I'm not exactly sure were to start with this today!


I've had tons on my mind the past few days.  So I suppose I will begin with...today is my 21st wedding anniversary!  Yes 21 years! Long, long, years! So many of those years I didn't think we would make it.  Several of those years we were not together to celebrate.  Speaking of celebrating...we never really have had a celebration.  That's okay though, I'd rather keep it quiet anyway! 


When I look back over the 21 years, I think of so much that has happened  (good and bad).  These years has created who I am today.  I have been through even amounts of happiness and sadness.  It has never been easy for Josh and I.  We struggle on a continuous basis to work together ,or should I say compromise?  Some days I want to strangle him and have nothing to do with him...(the feeling is mutual I'm sure), other days I don't want to be away from him and miss him even when he is at work.  Although I will never miss him as much as I did for the 7 years we were apart (those who know us know why).  After those 7 years, we have worked very hard to work together, mostly because I became so independent I became stubborn and could take care of myself without having to rely on him...I have to admit, that is still a constant struggle for me. 


So needless to say...even after 21 years, we are still working on making our marriage work.  It is a full time job that I haven't given up on yet.  (Did I already mention how stubborn I am?)  I am also glad that Josh is just as stubborn.  Neither one of us is perfect, but we are perfect for each other...despite our individual flaws that drives each other crazy.  But with all that work, we have come a long, Long, LONG way together....


Happy Anniversary to us!

This Thing Called Faith

"Faith, then, is the first great governing principle which has power, dominion, authority over all things; by it they exist, by it they are upheld, by it they are changed, or by it they remain, agreeable to the will of God.  Without it there is no power, and without power there could be no creation or existence."

-Josheph Smith

Spirrrrt Day

Shiverrrr Me Timberrrrrs....It's homecoming week at Las Vegas High School.  Nicole has been parrrrticipating in the daily spirirrt days.  Today happens to be pirrrrate day.  Yesterrrrday when I picked herrrr up from school I asked herrr how the day was..blah, blah,blah.  She said good!  Then she asked if we could go to the storrrre to get an eye patch for Pirrrrate day. 

Glitter patch and gold tooth...have to keep it shiny somehow!

Soooo....she knows that I have to go all out when it comes to things like drrrressing up.  But we had to keep it within school drrrress code as well, which is fine.  It isn't like I want my daughterrrr to look like a pirrrrate wench or something.  So the crrreative brrrrain had to think quick of what we could do on limited time and limited funds.  So we went looking for an eye patch.  Hello me matey...being close to Halloween you would think an eye patch would be easy to find...NYE!!!  We went to thrrree different storrres just to find a pirrrate eye patch!  We found some materrrial with glitterrry skulls and crrrossbones (not sure what we were going to do with it, but we would figure out something).  And we also found a gold pirrrate tooth!

Well we came home and got to work.  We weren't sure what to do with the materrrial.  I had an idea to make a sash thingy, but Nicole had a TOTALLY differrrent idea.  That crazy girl wanted us to make a corrrset!  She kept trying to explain to me what she was wanting and it just wasn't clicking in my head.  Then she finally took the materrrial and wrrrapped it arrround her in the forrrm of a corrrset.  I looked at her and said, "There is NO way I can even do something like that!  I can sew one straight stitch and make something simple".  But that wasn't all I was thinking....Gggirrrlfrrriend has some major boobies on herrr...I don't think she needs anymorrre added to them!!!!

Pirate Nicole...Arrghh!!! Oh and Lulu :)

So we decided on a wide sash instead.  It took a bit of thinking, but we finally got it.  I thought it would be fun to sparrrkle up the eye patch as well, so I added darrrk purrrple glitter to it...FUN, FUN!!!  and since drrress code is being enforrrced therrre was so much morrre we could do, but I think the end result turned out gggrrreat. Plus its better to be comforrrtable when drrressed up to, especially when one has to drrress out for P.E.  Simple and to the point.

Playing dress up is so fun!  Now I'm even more excited for Halloween!  I already have my costume idea, I just have to work on putting it together.  Theme for this year....Fairy's and Monsters!  Can't wait!!!

Feeling Crafty?

The past few days I have had a craft bug...I have not felt crafty in several years. I use to do crafts all the time, but decided that I just didn't want to do them anymore.  I even have tons of craft supplies (sitting in storage)! 

I always see cute things at different places I have gone to, but never want to buy anything because I could make it myself.  But....I haven't made anything.  When we were in Utah one weekend we went to Duck Creek for a festival that was going on there.  While walking around the booths I came across the cutest earring hanger.  Of course I checked it out to see how it was made.  I wanted to make them for my girls.  So I finally made the attempt.

Here it is...

Without earrings

Earrings added

It was fun being creative.  I think I will start to make a regular attempt at doing more things like this.  I like the idea of making something from nothing.  However my problem is I want to make so many, but I don't have anything to do with all the excess. So being crafty is limited with lots of extra supplies :/   So at this point I will probably just make a couple more.  I definitely want one for myself (my earrings deserve something cute too), but I can't decide what colors I want mine....Decisions, Decisions!



This thing called....PARENTING

Definition of PARENT- par·ent noun\per-ənt\

a: one that begets or brings forth offspring b: a person who brings up and cares for another

Yes, parenting!!! No one ever says how hard it is to be a parent to young adults.  I have been struggling so hard the past couple of months trying to say the right things to my young adult children.  I have been willing to accept that they are not little kids anymore and are now able to make their own choices in life.  However, its so hard to sit back and watch them make difficult choices.  Especially when the choices they do make are not the choices I would have made for them.

Breanne is now 20 years old.  She works a job and goes to school full time.  Her goal is to become a cosmetic surgeon one day.  She has been in college since she graduated from high school and has done really well so far.  When she isn't in school during the summer she works two jobs to fill in the time to keep herself busy.  She has dated several boys over the past couple of years, but so far none of them have been up to par.  She has chosen to dump a few of them because they were just not the right one for her.  I always try to stay out of giving her my opinion of the boys because she needs to be the one who recognizes the potential.  However, there has been a couple relationships I gave her my opinion about.  Both of those boys were abusive to her mentally...that is not something I want her to experience.  When Josh and I first noticed the signs, we both told her our feelings and what we saw was going on.  After some time, she began to recognize the signs.  We are very thankful she did not continue these relationships.  What has been even harder is watching her suffer from a broken heart that the boys have caused to her.  For some reason the last three boys have given her the "I have to figure myself out" excuse.  She doesn't understand what the problem is, but in all honest, I do.  I just have to allow her room to figure it out.  Its so hard because I want to jump in and solve her problems, but I can't.  It is also hard to watch her see girls her age moving on, getting married and having babies.  I know she wants that in her life one day, but right now just isn't her time.  One day she will look back and see that it was good that she didn't rush into adulthood so fast.  I have always told my kids "There is so much in life to experience, don't rush into settling down and look back one day and wish that you could have done something when you were young." 

Adam has been another story.  He started a job finally, but it is only for a short time as a lifeguard at one of the hotels. But, for the life of me, I CAN NOT figure him out!!!  I raised Adam to make good moral choices just like I did the girls.  I did all I could to let him have experiences in life that would help him to become a good man.  About a year ago Adam became the person he is today...the person I didn't raise for 18 years and the person I don't know.  I understand that he needs to make his own choices in life, but I never thought his choices would be the ones to cut like a knife in the heart!  Adam does not know what he wants in life.  We have been asking him for years what plans he sees for himself...the answer from him is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!  I have talked to him about the importance of setting goals for himself.  That goes in one ear and out the other.  Its really hard to make any sense of him.  We have been trying to get him to get his drivers license.  I know he wants it, but getting him to make the effort on his own is a joke!  I have got to the point that I'm tire of asking him everyday.  As parents we want nothing more than for Adam to make his own choices in life, but when we see bad choices beging made isn't it okay to voice our opinion?  I know the solution for Adam would be to go on a mission for the church.  It would be a good humbling experience for him and he would be able to take the time he is away and focus on himself.  He would be able to mature and develop the skills he needs to be the best possible Adam that he could be.  But for some reason last year, that desire was lost by him.  It honestly makes me very sad because right now at this point in his life, I see nothing but heartache and dispair for him and his future.  As a parent you don't want that for your child.  All I can do at this point is to keep loving him and do my best to guide my young adult son in the direction he should go in life.  I have even gone as far as asking people who do know Adam really well to say something to him about his choices and actions.  I want these people (especially the one's who care about him)to tell him how ridiculous he is being, because me telling him all the time is like....BLAH, BLAH,BLAH anymore.  But at some point...I can't do it forever :/ 

Then there is my little (who is not so little) Nicole...She is now 15 and wanting to get her drivers permit.  I don't have a problem with her getting her permit, but what I do have a problem with is seeing a picture of her kissing a boy on her cell phone screen.  I get the teenage boy/girl thing...I was a teenager once! Duh! I just don't feel that she should be worried about boys right now.  Especially kissing them!  Last night when I saw the picture I showed Josh and my mom...my mom kiddingly said "Nicole, get back in your stroller!"  YES, PLEASE GET BACK IN YOUR STROLLER!!! It has been fun with Nicole since we have been back from Washington.  She is a totally different girl than who she was when we were there.  She has become more loving to those around her, especially us (her parents). She hasn't been so dark and moody like she was when she was in Washington as well.  She has been working on being more girly and taking pride in who she is.  It has been fun spending time with her doing things that are different to her (although she hasn't quite gotten the shopping bug, she is the worst to shop with, she doesn't like anything!).  I could never figure out why she was so different than Breanne and Adam, but over time she has began to come out of her shell :)  I look forward to everyday that I am able to spend with her. 

So for parenting...honestly at this point, it is the hardest thing I have had to deal with since having children.  All those years ago if someone would have told me how hard being a parent is to adults...I would have wanted them to "Stay in the stroller" so much longer!  I would give anything to have them all little again because its sooo...hard!  I always looked forward to them getting older because I wouldn't have to worry about them so much....YEAH RIGHT!!! I WORRY MORE ABOUT THEM NOW THAN I EVER DID WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE!!!

So what am I to do?  At this point I have no clue!  I suppose I just go along with the roller coaster ride and do my best to still be the best possible mom I can be.  As well as be their friend.  But I will always be their mom no matter what!  I love them more than anything in life and I only want for them what I didn't have in life...

Labor Day Universal Studios Vacation

For Labor Day this year we decided to take a trip to California to do something that we haven't done in a long time.  So we decided a trip to Universal Studios would be something different.  I hadn't been there in over 20 years.  I know Josh had never been there, and for my mom, Nicole and Robbie it had been a few years. 

We left Friday evening after Josh got home from work.  He drove us there and we stayed at a Marriott. (Remember I love Marriott's)  Our room was nice, it was a small suite with two rooms adjoined.  Our room had a nice desk area where Josh and I were able to sit and do our homework comfortably.  It also had a workout facility were I was able to go to so I could work on my marathon training without missing a day. 

Saturday morning we got up and headed out to Universal Studios. 

Josh, Me, Nicole, Mom & Rob outside Universal Studios

 We went to almost all the attractions and shows on Saturday while we were there.  We decided that we were going to take our time and not rush to get everything finished.  But the thing about Universal, it is much smaller than Disneyland and they don't have as many rides, so we were able to see most of it in one day.  Universal actually specializes in television and movie productions.  So we were able to see "movie magic" and how they are made to look so real.


Fast & Furious cars...and pose!

Choke Chuckie!!!

Josh & Nicole posing with Jaws...dun-dun, DUN-DUN!!!

Lets go for a ride guys!

Sunday started out with a stop to Randy's Donuts...YUM, YUM, YUM!  We stood in line to get a dozen donuts for about 30 minutes.  This place is world famous, so we had to stop and see why it was so famous.  I have to say, whenever I go back to the area I will most definitely make Randy's Donuts a stop on our trip.  The prices were so cheap to...Well worth the wait. 

WORLD FAMOUS...

 We continued our Sunday back at Universal for the remaining attractions we didn't see...All 3 of them.  They were well worth the wait.  When we finished with those, we went to Bubba Gump for lunch.  It was nice to sit down and relax and have a nice meal.  While we were there, Josh decided to jump up and sing happy birthday with the waiters to some guy whose birthday it was.  Typical Josh, so unpredictable.  It seemed like he had a good time one this trip. 

When lunch was over we went back to the hotel.  Everyone fell asleep for several hours.  I sat and watch a movie all by myself.  I didn't think anyone was going to wake up.   Finally everyone woke up around 8:00.  We decided to go check out the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  It was rather interesting.  I have been there before, but it wasn't what I remembered.  I liked seeing all the different stars on the sidewalk and recognizing different names, but the area sure doesn't look anything like it looks when you see something happening on tv.  But that was okay with us.  We decided that it was something we can say we have seen in our life.  We also accidentally found the Los Angeles temple.  It was huge!  I only wish we could have seen it during the day.

Los Angeles temple..

Monday we took our time leaving the hotel.  We had homework to get finished!  When we left we decided to go to the beach.  We went to Venice Beach.  I don't know if that was a good idea or not because it seemed like we did more walking to get to the beach than we spent at the beach.  I wanted to see more of the crazy sites at Venice Beach, but it wasn't in our time schedule.  Josh and Nicole wanted to go into the ocean, so some plans were eliminate, which is fine with me.  They had fun out in the water.  The waves were rather large because there had been huge storms out in the Pacific.  While they were out in the water I noticed a turtle walking in the sand.  What was unusual was the turtle was with a family and it was a desert turtle!  The turtle came right up to me and was right under my feet.  The people said that they have had the turtle for about a year and they bring it to the beach every time they come.  WEIRD!!!

Desert turtle at my feet!  See here's the proof!

Josh & Nicole at Venice Beach

Our day ended with a long ride back to Las Vegas.  Again with Josh driving.  I was getting antsy and couldn't wait to get back home. I even asked a couple times "Are we there yet"? I'm not one for complaining on trips, but I was tired of being in the car.

I have to say I did miss Breanne and Adam on this trip.  Breanne went to my dads to spend the weekend sailing.  Adam had just started a job and wasn't able to get time off just yet.  I have come to the realization that my family isn't young anymore and some family adventures will not be attended by everyone.  It makes me sad because those adventures are opportunities for memories to be built.  I will just have to learn to make the best of all the time we are able to be together now....