This thing called....PARENTING

Definition of PARENT- par·ent noun\per-ənt\

a: one that begets or brings forth offspring b: a person who brings up and cares for another

Yes, parenting!!! No one ever says how hard it is to be a parent to young adults.  I have been struggling so hard the past couple of months trying to say the right things to my young adult children.  I have been willing to accept that they are not little kids anymore and are now able to make their own choices in life.  However, its so hard to sit back and watch them make difficult choices.  Especially when the choices they do make are not the choices I would have made for them.

Breanne is now 20 years old.  She works a job and goes to school full time.  Her goal is to become a cosmetic surgeon one day.  She has been in college since she graduated from high school and has done really well so far.  When she isn't in school during the summer she works two jobs to fill in the time to keep herself busy.  She has dated several boys over the past couple of years, but so far none of them have been up to par.  She has chosen to dump a few of them because they were just not the right one for her.  I always try to stay out of giving her my opinion of the boys because she needs to be the one who recognizes the potential.  However, there has been a couple relationships I gave her my opinion about.  Both of those boys were abusive to her mentally...that is not something I want her to experience.  When Josh and I first noticed the signs, we both told her our feelings and what we saw was going on.  After some time, she began to recognize the signs.  We are very thankful she did not continue these relationships.  What has been even harder is watching her suffer from a broken heart that the boys have caused to her.  For some reason the last three boys have given her the "I have to figure myself out" excuse.  She doesn't understand what the problem is, but in all honest, I do.  I just have to allow her room to figure it out.  Its so hard because I want to jump in and solve her problems, but I can't.  It is also hard to watch her see girls her age moving on, getting married and having babies.  I know she wants that in her life one day, but right now just isn't her time.  One day she will look back and see that it was good that she didn't rush into adulthood so fast.  I have always told my kids "There is so much in life to experience, don't rush into settling down and look back one day and wish that you could have done something when you were young." 

Adam has been another story.  He started a job finally, but it is only for a short time as a lifeguard at one of the hotels. But, for the life of me, I CAN NOT figure him out!!!  I raised Adam to make good moral choices just like I did the girls.  I did all I could to let him have experiences in life that would help him to become a good man.  About a year ago Adam became the person he is today...the person I didn't raise for 18 years and the person I don't know.  I understand that he needs to make his own choices in life, but I never thought his choices would be the ones to cut like a knife in the heart!  Adam does not know what he wants in life.  We have been asking him for years what plans he sees for himself...the answer from him is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!  I have talked to him about the importance of setting goals for himself.  That goes in one ear and out the other.  Its really hard to make any sense of him.  We have been trying to get him to get his drivers license.  I know he wants it, but getting him to make the effort on his own is a joke!  I have got to the point that I'm tire of asking him everyday.  As parents we want nothing more than for Adam to make his own choices in life, but when we see bad choices beging made isn't it okay to voice our opinion?  I know the solution for Adam would be to go on a mission for the church.  It would be a good humbling experience for him and he would be able to take the time he is away and focus on himself.  He would be able to mature and develop the skills he needs to be the best possible Adam that he could be.  But for some reason last year, that desire was lost by him.  It honestly makes me very sad because right now at this point in his life, I see nothing but heartache and dispair for him and his future.  As a parent you don't want that for your child.  All I can do at this point is to keep loving him and do my best to guide my young adult son in the direction he should go in life.  I have even gone as far as asking people who do know Adam really well to say something to him about his choices and actions.  I want these people (especially the one's who care about him)to tell him how ridiculous he is being, because me telling him all the time is like....BLAH, BLAH,BLAH anymore.  But at some point...I can't do it forever :/ 

Then there is my little (who is not so little) Nicole...She is now 15 and wanting to get her drivers permit.  I don't have a problem with her getting her permit, but what I do have a problem with is seeing a picture of her kissing a boy on her cell phone screen.  I get the teenage boy/girl thing...I was a teenager once! Duh! I just don't feel that she should be worried about boys right now.  Especially kissing them!  Last night when I saw the picture I showed Josh and my mom...my mom kiddingly said "Nicole, get back in your stroller!"  YES, PLEASE GET BACK IN YOUR STROLLER!!! It has been fun with Nicole since we have been back from Washington.  She is a totally different girl than who she was when we were there.  She has become more loving to those around her, especially us (her parents). She hasn't been so dark and moody like she was when she was in Washington as well.  She has been working on being more girly and taking pride in who she is.  It has been fun spending time with her doing things that are different to her (although she hasn't quite gotten the shopping bug, she is the worst to shop with, she doesn't like anything!).  I could never figure out why she was so different than Breanne and Adam, but over time she has began to come out of her shell :)  I look forward to everyday that I am able to spend with her. 

So for parenting...honestly at this point, it is the hardest thing I have had to deal with since having children.  All those years ago if someone would have told me how hard being a parent is to adults...I would have wanted them to "Stay in the stroller" so much longer!  I would give anything to have them all little again because its sooo...hard!  I always looked forward to them getting older because I wouldn't have to worry about them so much....YEAH RIGHT!!! I WORRY MORE ABOUT THEM NOW THAN I EVER DID WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE!!!

So what am I to do?  At this point I have no clue!  I suppose I just go along with the roller coaster ride and do my best to still be the best possible mom I can be.  As well as be their friend.  But I will always be their mom no matter what!  I love them more than anything in life and I only want for them what I didn't have in life...