PARTY OF ONE...PLEASE

It's best to be alone when someone is in the midst of having a pity party!!!  Today its me who is having the pity party.  I find it funny how when I am having my party I try (key word TRY) to get people to feel sorry for me.  For some reason....it never works. 

So what am I feeling sorry for myself today?  I have to admit I have some MAJOR insecurities.  Don't know why I have them, I just do.  The insecurities come and go, but today they are FULL BLOWN!  I tend to think that the world is against me and I am a major loser when I am feeling this way.  It takes several hours if not all day to get over my issues.  I absolutely hate when I feel like this because in all honestly...I know it isn't true!

On days when I feel like this I see myself less than what I really am.  In the midst of my feelings I feel like a 10 TON TILLY!  YES, I said it, a 10 ton tilly.  So what is this 10 ton tilly?  This 10 ton tilly is someone I see who doesn't take care of themselves physically.  When I see a person (10 ton tilly in my eyes) on tv or on the streets I see myself as them.  Many times when I am with my family I will say, "I feel exactly how that person looks!"  Then they will say, "Nooo....mom, not even!"  But I can't get that image out of my head. 

My family knows I try very hard.  I exercise regularly.  HELLO....I have been training for a marathon.  I watch what I eat and eat right.  Ok, on occasion I have to take a taste of something unhealthy, but that is okay on occasion.  I try to dress nice, but feel like I am very inadequate with how I dress and look (again...I know that isn't true).

What I do know is I try very hard.  I'm not perfect in anyway.  Maybe what I am thinking is totally crazy!  I try, but in my head I want to be so much more.  I suppose with even more hard work...one day I will actually look like I have always wanted to look, but that means enduring, having patience and a better attitude and outlook on who I really am.  So if you happen to see me out on the streets, running, walking or doing any other form of crazy exercise....please, Please,PLEASE encourage me so I can keep these horrible thoughts and this ridiculous pity party at a far distance...